Deception

So this blog is supposed to be about my journey to who I am. I've been thinking today about a lot of things, primarily the election and all of the issues and lives at stake. As a follower of Jesus, a disciple, my vote has to account for more than my checking account and my health insurance. I have to realize that God has promised to meet all of my needs according to his wealth, so no matter what the economy looks like, I'm not supposed to worry about those things. Now, that's not to say that I shouldn't be informed and vote for a candidate who will attempt to be a wise steward of our nation's resources. However, it does suggest that maybe the economy shouldn't be my primary concern when larger issues are at stake - like abortion.
I'm concerned that many who claim to be followers of Jesus aren't really in touch with his heart on this issue. Jesus said that love is the bottom line in this life. Abortion is the polar opposite of loving your neighbor as yourself. It is a lie - all about convenience. I happen to believe that abortion is the great human/civil rights issue of our time - perhaps of all history. Yes, I dare to compare it with the Holocaust, slavery, the Crusades, genocide in Africa and every other such event. All of those events happened because someone had the power to take the life of others whose lives, whose value as human beings, they disregarded. Even those who claimed to be Christians were in support of these great tragic human events - events we look back on with great clarity as being supremely evil. To pretend that abortion is not a voting issue is the same as turning a blind eye to those previous historic issues - and many did, to their great dishonor.
Having said all that, I don't believe that the Christians who don't vote pro-life are evil, I believe that they have been deceived. The Bible is clear that our enemy - Satan, the devil, whichever name you prefer - is a deceiver by nature. He and his minions deceive us all on a more regular basis than we would like to admit. We all sin and then wonder what came over us. Why did I tell that lie? Why did I omit that truth? Why did I say that hurtful thing? The truth is, because we are selfishly deceived into doing what's easiest and most convenient in the moment - but it's only in the moment. My mom used to tell us kids all the time that sin would take us farther than we wanted to go, cost us more than we wanted to pay and keep us longer than we wanted to stay and I have always found that to be true in my own life.
I fear that our country will have to find out the same thing. We fall for charming speakers and feel-good rhetoric and ignore the things that God looks at - integrity and uprightness, concern for life.
My own deception has been long-lived - I have long believed the lie that who God made me to be is not who he wants me to be. I tend to see that world through different eyes than the people around me, and I also tend to be a bit blunt in my delivery of the picture. I have tried in vain to change my perspective and to be more eloquent - but it's never the truth. I'm not making excuses for ungodly meanness or harshness, which I do have to guard against when I'm acting out of selfishishness instead of love and truth. However, at the encouragement of my wonderful husband, Bobby, and a few good friends who see me perhaps more clearly than I see myself - I am determined to be myself. I will speak the truth that I see, and if you disagree, I enjoy a good debate. Please come armed with facts and Biblical perspective and we'll duke it out and leave friends!

A Small Plate

No, I'm not talking about dinner - I usually prefer a big plate! I'm talking about life. At staff retreat back in the fall we talked about managing everything on our plates, what we give our time to. I told the crew that I have a small plate. They teased me about it and Bryan said that somebody needed to get me a platter - but teasing aside, it's important to know the size of your plate. A healthy self-awareness is very important in plate balancing. I know from experience that God has just given me a small plate. I have tried to pile it full to keep up with the people around me who seem to be able to "do it all" many times over the last ten years or so, but it always goes awry. I mean, I can't even cook multiple dishes at once without having a disaster of some sort! I focus on one thing, maybe two, and whatever else is up in the air comes crashing down.

So, I have learned to only take what I can eat and not let my eyes be bigger than my stomach - okay, so I'm still working on that! But I have learned that I can only do a few things well - and I no longer (usually) feel like I am not as "good" as all those crazy people who take on the world all at once. I have to remember that God has put me in my own journey, my own adventure, and all that matters is following him as far as he directs me, a step at a time.

This last year has been a whirlwind for me, almost a year to the day since Bobby proposed to me. It was Superbowl Sunday, the Sunday before Leslie left for Kenya, and he came up with a good reason to go to the farm after lunch with Leslie and her family, and he got down on one knee in the snow by the lake and asked me to be his wife. That crazy man! I didn't even get to watch the Superbowl because I was trying to call everyone and show off my beautiful ring! Eight months into marriage I finally feel like we are "settling in" to life together. But this year has been crazy stressful for me - my plate has felt very full and some days I'm afraid I'm going to drop it and make a big mess. I'm thankful that God is bringing a little peace into our lives and we are able to spend some quiet evenings together at home.

My plate is going to get rearranged again this year - no, I'm not pregnant. (I know some of you were thinking that!) I am planning to go back to school to start my master's degree in social work. I believe God is leading me get a degree that will help me use the gift of listening that he has given me, and have something of value to add to the conversation.